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I Hate Communication

 I hate communicating.  Such strong words from someone whose whole job relies on communicating – verbally and non-verbally.  But when you are communicating 1200 miles away, it sucks.  I know – I shouldn’t use that word, but it does!

Text messages get misinterpreted.  Instant messages, forget your original intention, they will be taken out of context.  And Skype phone calls still don’t help the situation.

I realize that many before me would wait for the “post” to receive a letter from their loved one, serving from afar, to hear news they were still alive.  But our world has changed.  Instant gratification is where its at.  But more so, being able to hold, connect, and look into someone’s eyes is far more important than waiting for the person to finish typing their sentence.

Kevin and I are going on month 3 of this 4-year commitment.  Its been rough.  Arguments have broken out because of miss-typed sentences.  Eyes rolled over video end up with silent treatment for a day.

I wish I could always report rainbows and sunshine on my blog – that life is always super easy in fantasy-land.  But I knew it wouldn’t be.  I knew communication would be tough.  And not being able to express my emotions, my thoughts, my feelings to their fullest kills me.  I can’t just reach over, grab his hand and say, “it’ll be ok, we’ll get through this like we always have.”  Instead, doubt creeps into our minds about our relationship’s status.  That just creates more tension.

Our next visit will be in 2 months, which now seems so far away.  In the meantime, I’ll just keep logging in every night to Skype and do my best to maintain a “normal” relationship.  Even better, I’ll try not to roll my eyes so much!  (I’m really bad about that evidently!)


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