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I Am Not Worthy – A Journey in Self Sabotage

Today, was one of those days I didn’t feel worthy.  I have been blessed in recent months to have some remarkable opportunities come my way.  I’ve hustled, worked hard, and put myself out there to receive such things.

But today was different. Today, I made myself vulnerable in a different way.  I didn’t think I was worthy.  I didn’t think I was ready to receive such an incredible opportunity – the next step in my career.  Instead of being my own cheerleader, I became my own critic.

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Startup Stock Photos

You are not good enough.

Other applicants are better than you.”

Why waste your time?  You will just be beaten by someone who has more skills.

No joke.  I talked myself out of applying.

Until, the inner ambitious person took over and said “STOP.”

You see, there are so many times in my life when I have fought inner feelings of self unworthiness.  I come off as a confident, strong, ambitious, go-getter.  But what you don’t see is a person full of doubt, scared, and incredibly insecure.  I never think I am worth your compliments.  I never think I deserve praise.   It is what pushes me to be a better me.

Each day, I wake up and pursue a better version of excellence than the day before. It is a gift, and it is a curse.

And today, it was my curse.

I almost didn’t turn in the application.  I almost sabotaged my own success.

I’m glad I didn’t.  I’m glad I pushed through my own insecurities, to at least try.  To at least put myself out there and accept that the worst someone can tell me is “No, you are not accepted.

So the next time you find yourself at a crossroads, where you, too, think you are not worthy, because there are better people than you, remember this:  they are likely just as insecure and scared as you are.  So put yourself out there.  The worst thing that can happen is you get a big, fat NO.  And two tiny letters aren’t that bad.

 

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